So I keep getting hit while I am down.....I was just recovering from the last asthma attack, getting back up to my usual level of fitness (40 minute swims of 2-3000m each -3 days a week) when I got a concussion. I was laid flat for two weeks, could not do anything, really down for a month. I took this last week off to rest and start exercising again. I swam twice for about 10 minutes...max a 500m swim, slow. I've been laid out flat for 3 days each time.

How can I possibly get back to fitness if I am laid flat from a 10 minute swim (when I am not working) for 3 days? I go back to work tomorrow and can't afford that level of fatigue during my workday.

This keeps happening. I've had over 20 medical/family leaves in the last 4 years. For silly things like both parents having cancer at the same time, pneumonia, pulmonary embolisms, severe uncontrollable adult onset asthma that knocked me on my *** for 2 weeks at a time (at one point I was down for 6 weeks, because I would recover and then have another). Severe blood loss. Blood transfusions. 2 wrist injuries, a concussion, a knee injury, injuries to fingers on both hands at the same time. Depression, Anxiety, PMDD, Caregiver exhaustion. There's probably other stuff.

I've used up FMLA, Sick time, vacation time, donated time and other resources 2-3 times over. I use my sick time faster than I can accrue it.

I just can't do this anymore. I can't recondition so that I can exercise at recommended levels, only to be struck down yet again. And then struck down again after recovering.

I am tired of spending all my time trying to get better. Something is badly wrong with my life because this is not normal. I don't go out anymore because why bother? I'll get in the habit of living freely and then it will be that much more difficult to manage when I get hit again.

At one point I took that Rahe-HOlmes scale and my score was over 600. At 300 they say that you are at high-very high risk of illness or injury. Today, I am at 453. These things seem to hit every 2-4 months. It's been a month since the concussion, and so another month or so before the next thing.

Honestly, I don't even want to stop for this **** anymore. I mean, if it's just one thing after another regardless of what I do, then why stop for it anymore? Even in zombie movies they get to the point where they don't stop for the zombies anymore, they just mow them down.

Because of all the things that have happened, my fences have fallen down, my lawns are gone, my carpets are crap (because I tipped past the point of trying to keep them clean), the house is cluttered with crap. I look at all of it, and I don't have the energy to deal with it. There's too much of it, everywhere I look there's yet another pile of crap that needs to be gone through. I am about ready to just throw it all out wholesale, but can't even do that because there could be something important in it.

I was doing pretty well. I thought that I had weathered this time okay. except that now I think I am depressed again. It's not going away. No matter how hard I try.