I used to be that way too. That desperation, along with feeling so bad about myself, led me into some very bad relationships, because I wasn't choosy and I allowed guys to treat me in a very demeaning way. Have you thought about connecting to guys online and first forming friendships? Check out Nolongerlonely.

I'm sorry you're not able to see a therapist - is there anyone you can talk to? I hope you find support that you need on this site.