Hello, new here and reaching out to the internet for some company.
So my subject leads me to discuss my relationship. I am younger and my bf is older. The most sweet and caring person I know.

For the past year or so I have been pushing if not couple but more so alone therapy. It has gotten to the point of dark thoughts on the regular and violent outburst toward myself.
His reason for not approving therapy is the idea that antidepressants will be pushed on me. Mind you his first encounter of a friend being of antidepressants the police thought he was going to hurt someone, with what was thought of him having a weapon and really didn't. -Long story short, the friends manic behavior got him shot by the police. Which leads to the hesitance. I am in a loving relationship and my bf supports me financially so this is something I have to run by him.
Now the manipulated part, is that I feel reading between the lines -like my brain loves to do. If I see a therapist, I believe my bf is preventing this due to another idea of me being "enlightened" to him being the problem and resulting to me leaving him.

Seeking some kind words.