I almost had a 'nervous breakdown' over the past few days.

So I meet with my therapist tomorrow, and i'm afraid to tell him. This is not like me, as I normally can't wait to see him. I've also been very open with him, so there's no way I could avoid telling him. (not that I would when it comes down to the hour)

I've never been hospitalized before, and if i ever had to be hospitalized in the near future, it would be under his care. Since I can't afford to see him more than once a week, I am really scared that he will say he can't see me anymore/he can't contain me seeing me only 1 x week. I'm also afraid of his 'disapproval'...

He's almost 70 now, so I also wonder if complex clients, such as myself, might be wearing him down. Maybe he prefers treating children, college students, or the general 'worried well'? What if he decides that for now on, he only wants to treat those with mild conditions? I was never afraid of this before. Part of the reason I wanted him as a therapist is because I found his articles and books or book chapters online. He wrote a lot about borderline, abnormal psychology, and challenging dx, so I thought he'd be a good fit...and he turned out to be in so many other ways.

It's been a horrible, scary, awful week. Instead of feeling relieved about seeing him like I usually am, I am scared. I guess i'm looking for reassurance...but honesty is always best.