Yesterday my husband and I got into one of our big fights that only happens a few times a year. He said to me "will I ever get the happy girl I met again back" He says this every now and then when we get into these fights.

Here's a little history. We have been together for almost 12 years, married for 9. My bp started when I was 15, misdiagnosed as depressed and put on SSRIs that put me into mania, horrible time. Then at 17 my OCD popped up. Between 17 and 20 the OCD had taken over my life to the point that I attempted suicide. I then quit all meds probably around 19 I think, I can't remember. I just know I was sick of not getting better and was done with the medication.

So moving on. At 25 right before I get married the BP comes back. Maybe it was there but it was low level and I didn't notice between 20 and 25. I was really stressed, just bought a house, working full time, going to school full time, and planning a wedding. At 27 I was diagnosed and have been on medications for the past 8 years.

What troubles me so much when my husband says this is that yes I have had some very hard times since he has been with me, but he did not see what I went through from the ages of 15-20 with the misdiagnoses and the OCD, the cutting, the suicide attempt, etc. Everyday is a battle for me but I keep moving forward. No I am not the person I was before. Yeah I feel like the BP and OCD has taken over part of my life and I let it. I have a masters degree and I'm not in my field. Yeah a majority of it is the economy but I am not stable to hold down a stressful job like that. Before we were married we were going to have children and now we decided not to because of passing on the mental illness and he has Crohns disease. Everyday I wake up and say there are so many people that have it worse than I do. Everyday I watch my 3 dogs play which gives me such joy. It's the small things for me and that is what I tell him. No I don't go out in public all of the time like I use to but I do make an effort a lot of the time.

He tells me maybe I shouldn't be on the meds. I tell him if I am not on the meds I will end up in the psych ward, lose my job, or maybe even be arrested (this has never happened). When I was a teen I would go from nice into a complete rage in a split second, I know how it works for me. No I'm not completely happy with how life has turned out, but this is how it is and I am doing the best I can. Everyday is about survival. I'm not going to go to him everytime I am switching moods to stress him out. He has Crohns which is triggered by stress. And even if he didn't no one needs to hear me everyday when I am switching moods or catastrophizing about everything all day long. I just feel like he got sucked into a life that he didn't expect. Hell I didn't know about the BP until after we were married.

Does anyone have these issues with their significant other. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know he loves me and he told me he just needs to vent about his frustrations. He goes to all of my therapy and pdoc appointments so he does understand the disease. Does anyone have any advice?