Hello ToeJam: I'm not going to offer any sage words of wisdom here. I do have some sense of where you're coming from. I've experienced much of this myself. I've said a number of times, to various professionals: if I'm rational enough to call someone... I'm probably not in real danger. But, if I'm in real danger, I probably won't be rational enough to call someone. But, also, whenever I do talk to someone, my rational façade automatically kicks in & I end up sounding perfectly reasonable. This then makes me feel completely silly. It can be a vicious circle.