I know what you're feeling. When I first started therapy, I wanted to know everything about my t just to know that she was a real person outside of the therapy office. I needed to know that she had experiences that were personal to her and not built of knowledge only from textbooks and college classrooms.

After awhile, I was realizing that I was making up t's life to fit how I needed her to be, probably something that she planned on a little bit, but to counteract this I started asking her more about personal things like family, school, likes, dislikes, etc. When she told me that she had kids, my heart felt ripped from my chest. I couldn't explain why I was so mad and hurt, but was driving myself up a wall thinking and being upset about how her kids got to know and love her in a way that I wanted to know and love her. There are still plenty of times that I get so angry thinking about her life with her family that must be so perfect (I imagine that she has the exact life that I want/wanted/missed in childhood). I want to be so much more involved with her than I know that I can be and it hurts, terribly.

I'm not sure how to help you, or what advice I can give. Nothing that I have tried has helped to deal with the frustration I experience. One thing that helps me actually is trying to use that life as a template for how I want to live my life.