Thanks so much to both of you for the quick replies... kind of a little teary just reading them. I was really umming and arring over posting this at all... I don't want to trigger other people... I don't know sometimes if I'm even making any sense... so yeah, thank you for writing what you have.

Skeezyks: to the latter part of what you wrote... yeah, exactly... I really hate it. I find it hard to even talk to my wife and she gets so frustrated with me as all she wants to do is get me to talk and in essence help her to know how to help me.