So... after posting in the thread about old Ts, and about worst Ts, I started thinking back on my old Ts. And looking through some of my writing from then. Which reminded me of how truly awful that time period was for me.

In particular, one T who I saw really just... I don't know if I can write it off as "we didn't click", it just seemed that everything I did or said was *wrong*. Then when I didn't say anything, that was wrong too. (Gosh, no wonder I didn't feel safe!) At some point, he told me that I was beating him over the head with academic points (nope, never on purpose - I was trying to explain my thinking!). This was the T that when I brought up dissociation, he referred to it as... "the d-word". Then, when I told him that I really related to some of the borderline stuff I had read, he said... "Why didn't you tell me that!!??" (ha! Take a guess, Mr T!)

Phew. Anyway, it still stirs up emotions for me. Some of it is sadness for me back then... I was a mess, I had been badly triggered by a friend who was trying to "help", I was si-ing, I was falling apart... and none of the Ts I saw were able to help at all or understand any of it. Part of it is anger that I found things I wrote *trying* so hard to explain to this guy what was going on, then him getting upset at what I wrote (!) and me having to apologize and make him feel ok It was just a mess, and I wish I could have seen that then.

So I'm curious... has anyone else to talk through previous, bad Ts with their new T? Is this something that's generally acceptable? I don't know why (ok, it's probably b/c of the bad Ts! ) it feels like it might not be appropriate to talk through with a T - like it might somehow offend them, like I might sound like I'm badmouthing their profession?

I want to put it on my list of things to talk about. I don't think I'll actually get to it this week (b/c my list is growing very quickly!) but... I'm curious about others' experience. If you did... was it helpful?