Hi, so my name is Rose and I'm freaking out right now. Well, I keep alternating between freaked and numb. List of things:

1) I can't remember things I've done that I really should remember. (e.g. going on a all-day date with my boyfriend to a theme park and getting over a fear of a certain roller-coaster).

2) Sometimes, out of nowhere, I get really violent, angry, manipulative, and sadistic. I feel totally out-of-body like I can't control myself. This has been going on for a few years now, and my bipolar medication really helps it (lamotrigene) but doesn't totally eliminate it.

3) Often, I find myself viewing my life as in a dream. Everything is very distant. I act in ways I normally wouldn't and say things differently, but with absolutely no control over it. It is rare that when this is happening I'm able to communicate it to the people around me for quite some time. This has happened for as long as I can remember.

4) I lose track of time often. This is more recent, and has gotten increasingly frequent. I usually will realize 20 minutes has passed, sometimes hours, rarely a whole day. I have had a few friendships destroyed over the fact I will often vanish mid-important conversation for hours at a time, with no recollection of actually leaving it at all.

5) For the past week, it appears I've suddenly developed very obvious alters. I don't know why they're all of a sudden here, which is why I question they're legitimacy. I don't remember much of their fronting, but my boyfriend does. He says it's a crazy difference, and I personally do not remember much of what he says. At night, the past three nights in a row, I've apparently started referring to myself as "Anna" or "Annabelle" and insisting I'm six. I said I can talk to "Rose" in my (her?) head, and behaved entirely like a 6 year old. I do not really remember these periods of time, though I do have some very fuzzy memories of brief glimpses of that time. Thankfully, my boyfriend rolled with it and took care of her/me. There's more like her, but I'm scared to say too much here for fear of being told I'm acting or making it up... It's what one of the voices in my head says. He's always saying I'm making it up, and trying to convince me of it. My boyfriend says it's too realistic for me to fake, and he's known me for almost three years now.

6) I keep finding self-harm like things on my body that I do not remember making.

7) People I've never met will say hi, call me by a different name, and act like we've talked before! One person even thought I was Deaf! I do speak ASL, but I've never claimed to be Deaf before...

I've been terrified to say anything, and researching it like crazy. I'm 16, and I have no child-hood trauma (severe) I can remember. Sure, minor stuff, but nothing really major.

Please, any advice? I really need people to help me straighten this all out, it's so confusing. Yes, I know I should speak to my therapist, but she's on indefinite medical leave, and I don't really like the replacement. Plus, as a minor, could they tell my parents about this? (I'm in CA)

THANK YOU FOR READING.