Yes, I have been struggling! Already feeling intensely emotional and close to tears all the time, as some may remember.

At university today, I had a meeting for a community project I am working on, and one of my group/class mates accused me of lying!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!

I did her(and 2 others) a favour2 weeks ago and handed their marking sheets in to admin as I was putting my own in also, to save them the walk. It turns out that 3 of the forms went through, and 1 has been misplaced. I KNOW I put them all in the slot! And this person said she did not believe me and wants to know my explanation of why it wasn't handed in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I handled it well, I was calm and kindly told her the truth. She kept harassing me and telling me I was a liar.....all of this in front of other people.

I can not believe the audacity of some people, that they can treat you so poorly and not listen and hear the truth. I have no reason to lie!

I asked my class friends that were there afterwards what I should do, was I being too sensitive, was I in the wrong, did I react the wrong way? They said that I was "too nice", that I should have been tougher and told her to eff off. But that is not how I want to be. They think I am "too soft". One was really angry for me, because she has a close friend who has PTSD and she could see that I was struggling to keep it all together....... I had tears in my eyes and my voice was shaking.

I just can not handle these sorts of confrontations anymore! I know that I can't control what others think or say or behave......but it just affects me so strongly, especially if I feel that something is not fair!

On top of everything that is running through my head since last week and emailing my T that list of traumas.....I feel I am tipping over the edge.

I stopped on the way home and had to talk myself out of buying alcohol, I gave up drinking over 3 and a half years ago and if I start again it would be bad. I am having thoughts of not wanting to be here, even things like my boy would be ok because he may miss me, but he has a dad and step mother who love him. But the strong part of me would never leave my son, so long as I am sober I'll be fine.

I don't want to be in this sort of head space!!!!!!!!! I just feel so despairing and terribly alone.

How do you not allow the actions or words of others affect you so much?

Now I feel like I need to see my T for support for this.....and yet I don't want to face him either after the list of trauma I sent him last week!! I have an appointment booked tomorrow!! Gah.

So yes, I'm a bit of a mess and all over the place so please do excuse the ramblings. I could do with some support and ideas and....well.....help. Please.