What if they something or it inevitably comes up? It's difficult to hide that you're struggling with some when you're usually one on one with professors. It's not like I haven't talked to them about this stuff in the past. Or at least similar things. I think breakdowns due to stress are pretty common in my field because they all acted like my freak out was completely normal.

Out of the counseling services on campus, one will only schedule me on a day that's already too busy and I've already seen several in the other group. Counseling just really doesn't do anything for me.

And what do I do when the doubt doesn't go away? I still don't think I deserved my bachelors. I don't think I even deserved to get into undergrad and it wasn't a difficult or competitive school to get into. I've just never thought I was good enough in my field and I've only stuck with it because it's what I want to do. I've always subscribed to "fake it until you make it", but that still implies that I make it someday. And I worry about not being able to get a job...that I won't have enough teaching experience or national exposure before I graduate. So far, I'm only set to go to one, maybe two national conferences. There'll be plenty of regional stuff, but would that ever impress anyone? And after this year, I'll only have two more years to get a teaching assistantship and I doubt I'll get any at this point, which will disqualify me for virtually any higher education job, where the only consistently paying jobs are. I guess I'll work at the local grocery store after all...at least it's a nice place.