bigblackdog-
You can tell if a girl is still a virgin, medically speaking. It's called the hymen. That's why it hurts and there can be a very noticeable amount of blood the first time. Why do you think there's no way to tell? Yes, sometimes the hymen can be broken or torn a bit by something like horseback riding or gymnastics when the girl is young but it will still hurt, even if only a little. Have you ever heard of Muslim girls here in the US having plastic surgery to have their hymen's repaired so their family and husband from her arranged marriage won't know that she's not a virgin? These girls can actually be killed, legally, if they find out she wasn't a virgin. I don't think it's just Muslim. But I've heard of this many times. A compassionate plastic surgeon will do it for free or at a deep discount because they know what the young girl is saying is true. I mean, these girls are terrified, and rightfully so.

I went back and read the original question. Sounds like she needs to talk to people who have been through what she is. Sounds like she needs reassurance from someone like her that everything will turn out ok.

All any of us can offer her is our own stories, maybe some advice-she can decide if she'll take it or not, and some compassion.