Quote:
Originally Posted by JustShakey
You do write beautifully Leah. I wish we had a 'love' button to go with the 'thanks' and 'hugs' 
I don't know... Both of my Ts have awaked a wistful sort of longing in me. Previous T I adore, even though our relationship was a very painful one. I know I'll never see her again in any meaningful way, but I desperately want something like the promise that she offered, or maybe more like hinted at, in my life.
T always says he is there for me, and that I can call if I need anything - though I never do, I'm not so sure about this 'needing anything' thing... What is anything anyway? I want something or somebody in my life like the idea of him too.
The sort of ramble-y point I'm trying to make here is that no matter whether we see or Ts in person or otherwise, we attach a certain desire to them. Or something. Perhaps better to say we become aware of desires we have hidden from ourselves through the intercession of our Ts. It seems like our Ts are the object of those desires. And perhaps, for a while, they are. Certainly they become that for a little while, just an hour at a time... But therapy is not life, it's playing at life, a practice place. Eventually we have to go out in the world and find the true objects of our desires. That is healing. I suppose... |
I understand your viewpoint and it is common, but for me, therapy is not playing or practicing per se, it's an authentic relationship and an integral part of my life. I see many people an hour at a time, and count all those relationships as real: teachers, vets, volunteer participants, classmates, family, friends, doctors, etc. To me, the relationship is not something to grow out of, but to grow within. I consider living an examined, mindful life a spiritual practice and therapy is as much a part as yoga or meditation or interacting with my family at home. I am fortunate to have had my therapist here with me, on the phone at will, to talk through a struggle, to hear my daughter's voice in the background as I move from client to mother role when she arrives at home, to discuss her insights with my husband as we work through our marriage. She is definitely a part of my life, not just a rehearsal space for the real thing, but a part of the real thing, not just an object of longing for "other" but a person to long for contact with on her own merits. I do not confuse our relationship with more evenly reciprocated ones where listening is traded for listening, the method of exchange in therapy is different, but that doesn't make the experience 'less than' or only a means to an end for me.
My therapist was in therapy 15 years though, so... I think we see it similarly as part of a meaningful lifestyle in a way. I think many consider the therapeutic relationship more like a medical model where we may receive rehab for a broken bone. I see it as more like a fitness training, where just because we go from overweight to a healthy weight, we don't need to stop training or consider there to be something wrong if we don't want to: there's always room to continue, to grow, to enjoy the workout, and the relationship with our trainer.
As for finding meaning outside the therapy relationship, for relating to others, that's absolutely important. But I think it creates a false dichotomy to say it is an either/or choice: my relationships have all been enhanced as I've been in therapy, so I've never experienced it negatively impacting them, quite the contrary. Having a therapist doesn't prevent me from loving my husband, child, in-laws, and making more friends, relating better to my coworkers, etc. I've seen all those changes in the midst of the work, so... for me, it's and, not or.
P.S. I do agree that my longing is similar to that others experience, that while I miss proximity, others may miss the option to have a hug, others may miss more frequent contact, others may miss emails, etc. Certainly, every arrangement, just like every other relationship in our lives, comes with trade-offs and is imperfect.