Hi everyone,

This is an update from me a year on. I can't believe I'm actually here to post this but to be completely honest the I've tried to bury this away inside for the past year as best I could.

I'm 21 now, graduated from college cum laude, and headed toward postgrad at a top school after I take a year off. I spent the past year accomplishing many, many things, including finding a new relationship that is going on 10 months now, studying abroad again, and earning a 4.0 GPA. I was active in the community and worked as an officer in several organizations on my school's campus.

I'm ashamed to admit, however, that a day hasn't gone by that I don't feel a tinge of sadness or regret for the way things went in Japan with this girl. I can't figure out why thoughts of her won't go away. Maybe it's because it was such a pivotal time of my life, or maybe because I saw in her something that I haven't reconciled with yet. It feels completely messed up to still be hung up about it though.

I haven't spoken to her since the day I left Japan over a year ago, and yet I still have dreams that feature her sometimes that really disturb me. It's like she left this gaping wound that won't go away.

At this point I don't even hold anything against her. We both did a lot of wrong and were immature about the way things proceeded. I was a 19 year old know it all that couldn't see why I was being a terrible boyfriend and she was emotionally unstable. And yet, for some ridiculous reason, the thoughts just won't go away no matter what I do. Is this even normal? I'm not sure where to proceed with this or what would be the right response to the way I'm thinking. I've been messed up about it longer than the relationship even lasted, which only makes it feel more ridiculous.