I can appreciate therapy as similar to childhood in certain ways, but even adults in healthy relationships always have their mothers (until their passing, of course when what they have of them is memories, objects and internalized senses of them): they move out, but they don't eliminate them from their lives. Healthy, happy child/mother pairs stay in contact and benefit from it throughout their lives.

Coincidentally, I also had an unplanned pregnancy and special needs child. They are, sadly, very trying to a marriage and I'm sorry you've lost so much, though I know that new opportunities, new starts are blessings too.

I'm not sure why you think that you can not find your own way if you are seeing a therapist? That would be like saying I can not find my own way or be myself if I have any relationship...

My therapist doesn't make decisions for me... nor is she in a position, even if she wanted to be, to find me friends, lovers, dreams, etc.

Perhaps your approach and mine differ because we wanted or received different things from our therapeutic relationships though. Everyone's journey is certainly going to be different.