Quote:
Originally Posted by IrisBloom
My experience was much the same, tho my parents were divorced and us kids lived with our dad. I was always the "bad" one, tho I never did understand what I did that was so bad. My sister was the one who did no wrong. I'm in my 50s now and I have tried to put the past behind me. Even tho my parents harmed me, I still love them. And my sister and I now have a good relationship.
My advice to you would be if you can put distance between you and your parents/brother, do it as much as you are comfortable with. Don't feel guilty about it as your first priority is to take care of you. Things will probably change as time goes on, but always ALWAYS put your mental and physical health first.  |
Thank you for this, IrisBloom! That's what I carry inside me... guilt! Big time, guilt! I also feel VERY painfully sad, knowing the fact, that I've never had healthy-minded parents who loved and cared about me, and for my well-being. It hurts a lot knowing I have a Mother who couldn't stand the sight of me, and wanted to make me pay for her pain, her failures, and her misery. It hurts to see my only sibling gang up against me, to hurt me, just to please her. She loves it when she witnesses people hurting my feelings. I see the smirk on her face. Her eyes bothers me the most! She looks me up and down with such disgust and verbalizes what she sees. One of her favourite things to say to me (while infront of my brother and father)was, "Go to your Cave, Troll! No one wants to see your "UGLY" face!"
She loved to tell me how...
Ugly my face was.
Stupid I was.
I was a loser.
An idiot.
Fat I was.
Pathetic I was.
Unattractive I was.
Ugly my body was, especially my legs.
She loved to "COMPARE" the hell out of me with others', especially with one of my cousins she felt was so much better than me. This, made me "hate" and feel "envious" of my cousin.
Oh, so much self image/worth/esteem damage!
She shattered my whole-being to pieces when I was growing up, never feeling good enough in her eyes. Always a loser to her! I had to listen to her "BRAG" about others' she seemed to like. My brother though, was the one I had to listen to about all my life, how "SPECIAL" he really is. She compared me to him all the time. He WAS good enough, I WASN'T good enough.
It was a living hell living with that family while growing up!!
Now, since, I am adult, and have my own family, I have finally estranged myself from her, and my father. Oh, and SHE HATES THAT TOO. She now has to find someone else to vent out on... oh yeah, my father is the second-in-line in being her "scapegoat."