Hi dorsey, first of all I'm sorry for your loss, I can understand that was/is very hard for you
But please don't "beat yourself up" over not being able to work, and the way you're feeling. You are probably still grieving the loss of your brother, and while you may have been doing OK, grief can be unpredictable and come in waves. And especially at key moments/times such as anniversaries. So it's not surprising that it could have also triggered a depressive cycle.
So maybe try whatever you can of what usually helps (even if only a little) when you're hitting/you've hit depression?? including getting outside in nature and swimming if that helps just a little. And take things at your own pace. If you're going to push yourself, you probably don't want to push too hard, hey??
You're not lazy, it is as it is, and try not to be too tough on yourself.
You might want to check out the forum on Grief and Loss on here too, or ask your psych if they can give you/refer you for some extra help with this.
And btw, how can you be a failure??!!! You've just got a new job, a job with responsibility, a "wonderful" job!!!! You're not a failure, you're "just" going through a real hard time right now
And if you want to talk some more..........
Alison