My T mentioned competition before, but I didn't really connect it. I feel like it's more like taking what I shouldn't have, but maybe it's partly not able to compete. Or being told that I cannot. I don't have siblings and I had to compete with my mom for my dad's attention so it was never a level playing field. Or never even a game I was allowed or supposed to play in a way. Oedipal stuff I suppose, but weird because my mom didn't act as an adult in this...
I know I struggle with balancing my kids' needs too. My daughter is stronger than my son - he can't compete with her due to his SNs. I feel like I should be the counterweight between the two of them, but with my own poor boundaries I worry that I'm not effective enough.
Joining in at the table is an excellent metaphor. It's effectively what I try to tell myself. I worry that I'll do something like stick my elbow in the gravy or spill my drink on someone I suppose everyone sticks their foot in it at some point though. I need to try and worry less about such things.


Thanks Granite You made me cry a little with that
I'm really going to try to work on expressing my needs here. I figure if I can do it here I might be able to take T up on his offer to call or email if I need anything.