I just feel so crushed by apathy right now. I suspected that the depression was partly due to my period and the invega wearing off and I was right because it has lifted slightly. But only slightly. And I'm just so tired. I don't care about anything. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep. My classes are painful. Usually I can at least smile at my students but I got nothing right now. I keep remembering how I used to be and it's so disheartening. Can I ever be that person again? Last year I could be cheerful. I could be happy. I could be excited. And this year nothing. No emotion. I hate being dead inside.

I have a therapist appt tomorrow and a pdoc appt the next day. I don't know where to go with meds. I feel like the topamax has done nothing since I started it so raising it would be useless. I'm afraid to add an AD as all my experiences with them have been negative. Really bad mania/mixed states. I can't see how one could break through the invega but what if?

I just want to feel something again. My timehop reveals that last year I went to the Amish market. This year I spent literally the whole weekend, every moment I could anyway, in bed. I barely even did my chores. I haven't showered in a week, just been getting by with washing my hair.

I'm not severely depressed because I'm not suicidal (only passively so) and I'm only having passing urges to SI. I just...want some life back.

Anyone relate?