When you called work, were you upfront about the bipolar depression or did you say your illness was something else? If you were upfront, can you get your doc to write a note explaining how bipolar depression affects your functioning?

In the UK this is the approach that is taken, instead of sicknotes we have fitnotes. It is all smoke and mirrors really, but it has been useful for me to have my employers understand why I'm not at work and the approaches I need to incorporate to assist my recovery. I've been off work for nearly six months and I'm trying to spend time outside, walking and doing relaxing stuff. But yes it does sometimes feel that it is a sabbatical not time off for illness and I feel somewhat guilty about that.

When you see your pdoc, try to make a plan to get back to work, as ultimately, it will help you feel better about yourself and working is the kind of self help that it sounds like your doc advocates. Is it possible to go in for a few hours and build up from there or is it a case of all or nothing? If your employers know about your mental health then can you talk to them about the best way to manage your workload? I find it easier to have tasks one by one rather than a big pile of stuff that gets confused and never seems to end.

Sorry to hear of your loss and hope that things improve soon.