Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I've been on the forum. I've realized lately, not having very friends or family that understands my bipolar illness and moving to a new plac,e that I need the support that only people that know my journey can understand. I won't try to do it alone again. Here's my issue: After just starting a new job, I was doing great, with just one call in caused by a physical illness. But last week the one year anniversary of my brother's death came and out of the blue I was broad sided by bipolar depression. I've called in work for 3 days now and I'm feeling guilt, fear and shame. I work on a job that requires a lot of focus and can be stressful. Part of me feels like I'm being lazy, like "it's not that bad," "what are they thinking?" "I'm going to blow this job." I'm getting outside in nature, swimming, I called my psych, who doesn't believe in piling on more meds but instead gave me support and holistic ideas. I'll see him in a few days. I know from experience that it'll get better, but right now I'm crying, isolating, beating myself and feeling like a loser. Like I don't deserve this wonderful job because I'm a failure. Can anyone relate? Am I doing the right thing? Should I "push myself" and just show up? I don't allow low moods to stop be from going to work but I really feel depressed this time.