We had session today and I told her about my longing, and I was so relieved I cried when she told me she would give me a video of herself! Somehow I'd gotten afraid she would refuse me, that she would limit our relationship, not be willing to find any way to meet my desire.

I'd like something tactile, a handwritten letter or one of the books she's read me or better yet something soft from her (my high school counselor gave me a tiny little teddy bear when she was leaving for a new job that I treasured though have lost) but again due to the arbitrary-seeming limits of the company with which she contracts, she wouldn't be allowed to mail me anything. We both sort of just acknowledged the unfortunate circumstance, but I was mindful of all the liberties I have due to our arrangement I wouldn't have otherwise. Those, like flexible sessions, even sometimes on-demand, wouldn't have been possible at the earlier stage of her career or with a traditional office format, so I've certainly benefited from that.

At any rate, I can hardly believe it, but it sounds like she will be making a special effort to create a little video for me, she talked about having her more tech-savvy nieces or nephews help her film it! It was lovely to hear that and more lovely to know that she was validating, not questioning, my request. She said we'd do the video and then we could see how I felt after I had that. (She's still willing to meet, but it would be brief, and she's mindful of how much I'd be spending just for such a short get together, something that bears consideration. I wish there were a way I could pay the company its fees while seeing her in person, but I don't imagine that's logistically attractive enough to her to consider, as it would entail renting an office and breaking the letter if not the spirit of the contract, and of course she's invested in adhering to her online-only therapy practice at this stage.)

I should probably think about what I would like to be on it?