Quote:
Originally Posted by Rust
I'm a 23 year guy. I do feel normal stuff, funny, humor and get angry, sad and depressed. But i never show the dark side. Nobody will ever see me sad or depressed, angry yes, but never the other. I always act happy or positive and i usually am 90% of the time. But i go dark allot, but never show it on the outside, and nothing spurs it on though, that's the strange part, i just fall into that abyss and will be there for a while and then be over with. I have accepted that about me.
My question really is, why can't i feel emotions towards others. I have met the most amazing woman, smart, funny, gorgeous beyond believe. I adore her allot and i like her allot. But i don't feel THAT feeling, i never loved someone before, i don't think i can, or dont know how, that feeling doesnt pop up.
This all might sound strange the way i explain this. But i dont want to lose her, and she knows about all the dark stuff that goes on in my head, when i fall. and she knows i'm a rock when it comes to explaining my feelings, but she finally cracked the rock a bit and i told her most of the stuff i struggle with and some of the stuff was dark, and she didn't run away. That surprised me so much.
She told me once she loved me, but why dont i feel anything beyond the normal emotions, the deeper stuff.
I dont know how to feel the real stuff, i grew up to never get soft. Dont show emotions, you have to man up, and get the job done
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I think you may have answered your own question, Rust. You grew up to never get soft, to not show emotions. That kind of upbringing is hard to shake. Plus, since your family-of-origin was this way, it may be you have something of a genetic predisposition to this type of stoicism.
I'm an older person. And, when I grew up, this was the norm. You kept your problems to yourself & you didn't show emotion. Today's predilection for "letting it all hang out", as the saying goes, is really a pretty recent development historically speaking. The good thing is you are aware of your tendencies. So you can work with them over time. That is a big plus!
Of course, it is also possible you simply haven't found the right lady yet. Despite all of the amazing qualities this woman you've met has, maybe there's something missing. It's so hard to know. I think the best thing to do is to take your time with the relationship & see where it goes. "Love at first sight" may make for great chic flic's. But it isn't necessarily the best way to create a relationship that can last a lifetime. My best wishes to you!
