I was in disbelief reading your predicament. My heart is also pained for what you must be going through.
I agree 150% - this calls for seeking a therapist. Particularly one whose specialty is abuse of all sorts.
NWgirl2013 hit the nail on the head - you have been abused. Not only mentally and emotionally. But physically as well. He is still abusing you! Please, please, please do not blame yourself. He is not worth your thoughts or your tears. He sounds like a user and opportunist at best.
Please take care of yourself.