Reasonably, my issues are not the exact same as yours but they are similar. I am a male reaching his 20th birthday this year. All throughout my life in public school I have been shy and quiet. Reached late high school life before I decided I wanted to connect with people (namely girls that I found attractive) and fell flat on my face with my inability to express my feelings and inability to get over my social anxiety. I have nervous qwerks like not being able to sit still around people without getting nervous so I'd have to find something to do in order to distract myself (like browse aimlessly through my phone). I'd get into conversations with people and I'd try too hard to be funny/sarcastic or I'd flat out stop speaking because I simply can't think of things to say to people with talking with them.

I also have a supportive family who would do anything for me but it is not enough to end my sadness. I want someone who doesn't have an obligation to me to show that they at least care for me. Any of my friends around my age found me to be awkward and generally not entertaining to hang around so they don't contact me at all, and my cousin (who I hold very dear to me because she's been with me for the longest) doesn't talk to me as much as she used to when we were younger.

So I understand how you feel on some level. I think about dying and experience great sorrow when my attempts at building my life fall short. The only thing I can think of is to forget about connecting with people and try improving my efforts in my schooling and maybe try picking up piano lessons (something constructive with my time)