When I sit here & read some of your post, I think to myself.... that sounds just like me or I could have wrote that.
I love the fact that we understand each other on this site. It makes me feel like I'm not so alone with my problems.
Or that we know what the person is going through because we have actually felt that way at some point or another.
Like in the real world, I feel it seems nobody understands me, or can't sympathize with me because they just don't know, let alone understand what's going on in my head.
My husband is the only person that actually knows the real extent of my problems. My kids on the other hand.... they just know that mommy doesn't feel good again. They are older now, ages 12, 15 & 17 so it's not so hard now.
But I really wish I could be like all the other mothers out there. Have the energy to keep up with everything. And not feel bad with myself when it takes everything out of me just to get up & take them to an after school event.
I am so angry with myself because they are growing up and I feel as if I'm missing out on EVERYTHING!! I know that as long as they know I love them so much & I show them as much affection as I can that, that's all that matters...But it's not. I could do so much more... but I can't. I can't find it in me to motivate myself to be more. To do more, to make the most out of every moment. I really hate my problems because of this

But.... With this site I know I'm not alone. That there are others like me, and they know how I feel. I can talk honestly on here and not be judged and it's important to me to be able to do that. I feel as though I am two people. The first is what everyone else sees, or doesn't see. And the other is the real me. At home I am the real me, and out in the world I am the other person. The one that tries to be like everyone else. The one that covers up everything and puts on a fake smile so nobody knows how truly messed up I really am. It's so exhausting to try and be normal when I'm not home and I don't think I can do it for much longer.

I am so tired of everything. I'm tired of smiling when I feel nothing. I'm tired of people looking at me like I have two heads. I tired of hiding in my room when I'm so stinking angry at the world for how I am. I'm tired of missing out on being a great mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend. I'm just tired... And angry.

At least here on this site I can be me, the real me... I am glad that I have that at least.