Thank you Almeda
Yes I mean IRL. Your post is so kind and uplifting. I think that I was doing alot of that sorting prior to my visit yesterday and I will continue to but have not put it down in writing. That might assist.... and organize.
Yesterday was like being hit between the eyes. He told me I have not changed in 15 years and read out loud a report he had written to my orig pdoc at that time. Many core issues are the same and I know I am difficult..but it makes me feel like a piece of crapola really.
I am reaching out to family....certain ones... this weekend as I need support. I came home last night and the lights blew at 630 and my phone was out of gas...just enough gas to invite myself to my sisters for Sunday.
My doc says that his life is good and advancing but for 15 years.. here I am. I have worked hard really and created many changes but they are unaccounted for.
I am mad at him for putting me down so and while I am already low. It seems rather mean but maybe that is what it takes for me to create change. He must think I am strong but I sure do not feel it. I feel weak but pissed off and hopeless. Sorry. Now that I got that out... I can start trudging up the hill again... I hope.
Thanks for listening. I think of changing docs....but we have been through so much but that is mean....... Why would a person care to live after being told that after working so hard. And what does that say about him? m
Yes... focusing on me. Took my first Lamictal yesterday. Hope that meds will assist. I want to be successful... really I do though that is part of what is up for questioning.
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