Okay so a bit of the back story:

Just starting out with trauma T who wants to try EMDR however she recognized fairly early that wasn't going to happen for me right away. So about 5 sessions in she ended up ending our session early because I was in one of my 'protective states associated with trauma' being very hyper aroused (comparable to mania). Anyways, but I was rather upset because parts of me really eantd to talk (not DID, just unfragmented is how it was explained to me). Anyways, T started up a group with another councillor that works on this trauma crap, and in said group was another gal who sees my T (there were only 4 others and two facilitators). Anyways, was very figgity and nervous as I usually am in group settings, but the gal next to me was like, me on some crazy paranoid steroid (she was even worse, like I thought I was bad!). Don't get me wrong, I am not heartless I am actually really compassionate but somethng in me switched because she was really starting to get on my nerves (which ultimately means that part of me gets on MY nerves, and it does) but T was so much sweeter with her (my T isn't really the 'sweet' kinda person but she made a real attempt to comfort her saying how 'scary this all is).

I think so too. I don't know why I can't show it. I don't know why I have to switch into the big shot that 'has this' or the argumentative side that T says I have. I don't mean to do that. Because inside is the part that can't seem to speak, but really wants and needs to....

Ack this is all so frustrating. :/ :/ :/

I hate therapy.