This will be a long long road. Very very familiar with this situation. I don't have any words of advice or encouragement. It's gonna hurt like a bee-sting for a long time.
You're not stupid, by the way. It takes courage to love someone. You're gonna get hurt in love. That's a fact. If you don't, you're doing it wrong. Go ahead and be pained. Be hurt. These things only heal with time.