NOTE: I just want to say that I'm not in any danger to myself or others.

So lately I have turned for the worse. Like the worse I have ever been with self-harm and my thoughts are going out of control. I know that I won't act on them now or in the near future, but I'm scared of them getting worse. I want help this time instead of letting them settle down on their own and then to resurface again, plus they are getting worse and more intense. I have my next appointment in two weeks and my therapist is in the process of moving (fortunately its closer to me by like a mile) so she is really busy. I want to email her because I feel like in the two week period, I'll talk myself into downplaying it and not say anything at all, but I'm scared that I will be bothering her if I do email since she is busy moving, and has more serious clients than me. Plus I'm scared she will think it is more serious than it is and try to admit me in a hospital or something, or worse tell my mom. I don't think that doing either of those will help me at this moment. I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but I think that I do have something going on more than just a teen with mood swings. I don't know what I want, I just... I don't know what to think anymore. Sometimes I feel that I am just doing it for attention, but I'm trying to fight those thought and get help anyway. If at the end it is because of attention, at least I will know that there isn't anything wrong with me and I am just an attention *****. I have been using self-harm as a way to stop thinking about suicide and as a way to punish myself. It tells me that I'm still alive, but I'm running out of space, which has never been a problem with me. My therapist knows about the SI and has seen them, but she doesn't know the major reason behind it because I always hide my true emotions in sessions.

My questions are:

Should I email her?

What experiences did some of you have when you told someone about suicidal thoughts?

Though I will not allow myself to act upon any of the thoughts, I have a plan and fantasize about what it would be like to not be in pain anymore, how my family would be better off... I have heard that if you have a plan, they usually make you an inpatient... how true is that? Like I said I won't act on it, but I do have one, more to just give me a false safety net. I just want to get better...

Thanks for reading.