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Old Sep 09, 2014, 05:02 PM
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RoselynKeir RoselynKeir is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2014
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 14
I never wanted to be 'that' wife. The one who throws a fit when my husband looks in another's direction or snoops through his things to see who's he's been talking to and what they were talking about. Unfortunately, that wifely perfection has eluded me.

Shortly after our daughter was born- while I was still waking up every three hours to feed, burp, and change her, my husband and I switched sides of the bed so that I could be closer to her crib. Our phones are the same model, though the colors differ slightly- one black, one dark silver and the backgrounds were the same photo of our newborn daughter, but I digress, they look the same at three in the morning in a darkened room when you've had little to no sleep.

His phone went off and my sleep-hazed self automatically grabbed the phone and went straight to the text message that woke me- and the baby up, to a message from a (former) mutual friend of ours. The message didn't make much sense at the time, so I scrolled up a little to see what I'd last said, not realizing it was his phone. Touch screens have a flaw where they over scroll sometimes, which is what his did- right to the multiple nude photos she'd sent my husband.

I was fully awake and sick to my stomach by this point. I've had women teasingly send me nudes before- which I showed my husband and he often joked with friends that his wife 'shared' her tit photos with him, but he never once mentioned these to me. I went through and to my shame- read through the messages that went back before our daughter was born.

There was light flirtation in the texts, which I'd expected with his equally flirtatious nature towards both men and women who we were close friends with. What made me sick to my stomach was a message after the nudes- he was pretty sure he wasn't allowed to reciprocate, but he was sure if she messaged '----', he would supply them. The '----' being an alternate account name of his that I later found out he had indeed reciprocated by sending her nudes of himself.

It took me a week to ask him about the photos- leaving out the fact that I knew he'd sent his own and another week after to ask him about the ones he sent. During the time that I was trying to muster up the courage to confront him, I asked him daily if there was something he needed to tell me. Did he want to see other people or was he unhappy in our marriage- to which the answer was always no. The conversation broke my heart when I finally told him, but we worked through it once I pinned him down on the specifics that I knew, which only served to make me wonder- what don't I know?

I will admit to snooping through his computer- I was looking for a video of us he'd mentioned and found numerous pornographic photos and videos. The porn- I expected. He is a male after all. The photos and videos of his ex's- I didn't. I ended up swiping them all and then feeling guilty put them back. We talked about it and he deleted them that day.

Since moving to our currant location- I've met several of his old friends, one of which, is now my best friend. What I didn't know at the time, was that she was previously involved with my husband before we met. Now, I don't hold it against either of them for having a life and relationship before I met my husband, but learning of the fact from her friend during an outing was not my cup of tea.

When I'd gone through his computer before, I had found photos of my husband and my best friend in wedding photos from one his mother's previous marriages. I'd mentioned it later- saying the title said our friend's name and they looked adorable though they were kissing. His response was that he knew a lot of girls with the same name, to which I assumed I was mistaken.

After it was brought to my attention that my husband and best friend dated- much to my best friend's horror, because she assumed I already knew, I confronted my husband about the lie, which he claimed was only an 'omission'.

I feel like I'm not being trusting enough when I constantly wonder who he's talking to. When I wonder if he's really at work for as long as he says, though he comes home covered in paint. Or if he's really going to the car meets he goes to on occasion while the baby and I stay home.

At the same time- I wonder, what else don't I know? It seems like, unless I specifically, pin him down on something- I know you sent those photos, I know you two dated, ect- he won't tell me or admit to it.

Needless to say- none of this has helped the anxiety and panic attacks or the severe postpartum depression I've been suffering.

Last edited by darkpurplesecrets; Sep 09, 2014 at 10:46 PM. Reason: added trigger icon....