i have the same thoughts too more frequently than usual. the only thing that keeps me from acting upon them is the thought of what will my son think of me doing this. he is only 5 but he is my world and i try to keep my problems away from him even though i know one day he will have to be coping with this himself. what if they take him away cuz i cut myself too deep one day . i would kill myself if he was taken from me.