I started therapy in December 06 for the first time for depression. I have a really nice therapist and I like her, however I am having a very hard time trusting her. 2 weeks ago I was waiting to see her and she came out with a client and my therapist hugged her (from what I could gather it was the woman's last session). For some reason seeing my therapist with this client and than hugging her sent me in a tail spin and after my session, I ran out of her office and cried hard in the car.

I basicly put an even bigger wall up between us since. Monday in session I was very withdrawn and I told her I was going to terminate.
She asked why but I wouldn't tell her, so she said she would give me a few days to see if thats really what I wanted. Tuesday she called me and said she wanted to check on me to see if I was ok and I thanked her for calling and she replied with "Its my job".

The words "Its my job" hit me hard. So I got to thinking about other things she has said like, "I am here to support you and listen, please remember that" and at the time these words meant to me that she cared and that maybe there was a connection between us.

Now I am questioning my interpetation of what she said, instead of meaning that we were connected, now I believe she was/is doing her job by supporting me and listening, and that some how that realization makes me feel like she doesn't care about me and it minimizes our relationship.

This morning she left a message saying that she hadn't heard from me about my decision and she was very professional and again it hit me hard and I want to stick with my original decision about terminating.

I am very surprised and baffled at my behavior with this. I absolutely have no clue why I want to mean something to someone that I only see an hour a week and I pay her for that time.

Yet obviously I am seen as a client and her job.

LOL sorry so long, just this is weird for me.

Bree