((Walk free)) Today my T said "now its bank holiday next monday. Would you like to make another day or leave it?" I can't tell you the rage and betrayal I felt by her saying that. I spent the session arms folded and tears falling.

She said "can you talk about whats going on?" and I did, normally I can't put words to the rage and hurt I feel. I told her I don't like her now. SHe asked why? I said because your taking something away from me, ie, my session and it didnt matter she wsa offering me another, all that registered was what she was doing, or what my head said she was doing, breaking my heart her her? well it felt like she was just walking away unmoved.

I told her this, normally I am to embarrased to talk this deep, and then I said it feels as if shes turned into a monster and I can't find her, the normal nice caring T that I love. She sat quite, and that enraged me more and I sat, then it became clear, it wasn't her it was my step mother withdrawing her love and caring and turning into a monster.

It then felt as if I was waking up and I saw sue my T as who she is, my T and I said "oh I feel as if I've just been in a ghost train and just coming out into the daylight again">

I realised her telling me the normal day for session wasn't avaiable had triggered the rage and deep deep hurt I had suffered many times as a child. I even cried in the car driving home remembering that intense inner torture I use to suffer and I could tolerate the "REAL" relationship again between myself and T. I could tolerate her not being that "Perfect" person. I had put the pain where it belonged.

I hope I've made sense???