I can relate to this, Zen.

I get tired of putting on my social mask and "acting" like I'm comfortable.

But if I do take it off, people don't know how to react to the depth of my emotions because I've hidden them so well over the years. So I drag the mask back out and slap it on my face again. And again.

People are more comfortable with the outgoing, funny Petunia so the sadness and anger and everything elses stays contained...and I become numb.

((( HUGS )))