Quote:
Originally Posted by Freewilled
I think it is really hard for Ts when this type of dynamic is at play. They might feel a desire to provide the nurturance that is needed - almost pulled to do so. Yet, my theory is that they know it's not the ultimate goal. Maybe the goal is more to feel loved, yes - but not from our Ts or from anyone else. From within.
You know what the good thing would be about this? No one could take it away from us then  |
Ha-wonderful way to look at the bright side of this, Freewilled.
Every response I read, I think "yes, that's it!"....including this and the next one I didn't yet respond to....last T, who I still love and adore, said I naturally elicit those nurturing behaviors from him. I think this therapist doesn't get drawn into my patterns nearly as much as with former T. Which is good for my overall progress and well-being, but not as satisfying.
Anyway, I really like your theory.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauliza
I just want to say I know exactly how you feel and I believe for exactly the same reasons stemming to relationships with men back to my childhood. It's my pdoc, not T, so he is less nurturing by default (and I see him once a month). When I do see him he is always kind, supportive and all that. But when I get just a little extra it's exhilarating, like you say. And when its just a tad less, so disappointing. I don't think its anything about him or his approach, I think it's about my need for male approval. I have no words of wisdom but I can certainly relate to how hard this must be for you...
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Thanks, Lauliza, for sharing and relating.
It felt really good to read your thread....my eyes started to tear up. I thought about what you said, and because of my background and history, I think that perhaps your theory is the most likely.
What left me feeling desperate was the 2 sessions in a row w/o the extra nurturance. I was dissociative and had major emotional re-experiences last session, with lots of tears. I hardly ever cry in session but had lots of tears this time. I could barely talk at first, but told him how I feel apart, and all the triggers. And something really scary about my mother. He was very empathetic and helpful, and helped me understand why I was feeling all of these intense emotions and the thoughts...I guess with such an intimate and intense session, I did expect more. At one point I did ask for more comforting, but that didn't change his behavior.
I felt really good afterwards, then had a twinge that something was missing. Thinking about it, I started to feel deprived. So I texted him only a half hour later, telling him I needed a hug so bad. We Skype, so it was so depressing not to have that extra physical comfort. But when he returned text hugs to me, he did it in such a cute way, that it helped me feel a little more content afterwards.
Lots of good stuff in this thread.
