As I am writing this I am crying because he will be missed he was a caring and very funny man. I am sad he left us so soon. I am sad he will never know how his actions have touch me in such a profound personal way. I truly believe I will never allow SU..... to be an option for me ever again. I finally see it from the other side those left behind to have deal, cope, come to terms, mourn, and so much more. I am grateful for being able to see this really completely for the first time.

I am having difficulty how to channel, cope not sure of the right words when I am slidding now though I am working on that with my therapist though. I guess analogy I can make is that I do have a parachute (not sure I really feel that all the time) but I have no idea how to pull the cord or even know the cord is there. Hopefully that makes some sense to some of you.