I had not really been in therapy before, except when I was a kid and my mom made me go to one.

But a few weeks ago I went on my own, I was there for myself and knew I wouldn't get much out of it if I didn't pour everything into it. So on the first day I told my therapist about my past suicide feelings and plans and attempts and my current feelings.

It was a huge load off of my chest to be able to tell someone, especially someone who could react correctly. Not that family and friends will automatically judge or anything, it's just I guess maybe I thought I'd catch them off guard. But I felt so much better after telling her, even with the chance that she might want me to go to the hospital.

I later talked to her about people on the internet saying they couldn't be fully honest with their therapist about it, she said they should find a new therapist. I'm not saying that's what you should do, but I think you should open up to yours. And honestly if it's decided that you go to the hospital for a minute, maybe it could help. I know it's scary at your age, I was stuck in one overnight when I was maybe 11 or so. But therapy is like everything else in life, you get out of it what you put into it. Give it 100% so you can get better. I can't really tell you whether you should email her or not, it sounds like you want to, and I think you would feel better to "say it out loud" even if it's in an email.