Hi rannah, welcome .

Wow, it appears you have been through quite a lot, many hugs .

I would say it sounds like your mom is really struggling with what seems to be possibly extremely troubling financial woes, but coupled with some kind of mental disorder perhaps. It appears she thinks that her children hate her or are mad at her the whole time for some reason, and I think it is amplified by the feeling that she is maybe not providing like she would want to. Sometimes, the children don't even have to complain or want for anything and the parent still feels this way.

Your feelings are also totally understandable. You're guilt might be subconsciously coming from the fact that she is struggling to provide and you feel you are not showing enough gratitude to your mom and I think she might have planted that seed in your mind by guilt-tripping you perhaps? Does she sometimes say "You guys don't appreciate anything I do!" in a nasty sort of tone?

I wouldn't say you are weak at all, being scared is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of being unsure and confused about something, and that's normal. The thing about being scared of her reactions (or going away for an hour or more) and the feeling of not wanting to make her angry with the "wrong" response sounds like conditioning and guilt-tripping your whole life by her. My dad used to do the same thing, when you don't react the way they expect or go up against them in some way, they then turn around and say you don't appreciate them and they make you feel really guilty and that you should be a lot more thankful than you are. I know it all too well .

But, that happens when income is not too great and the parent is struggling to fulfil the role of "provider" and it becomes their number 1 obsession. They then actually become the role of provider rather than parent and the whole relationship can become rather cold and business-like. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you and your mom are not really close, are you? By close I mean you can go up to her and tell her anything, spill your guts, open your heart to her, chat about boys you might like, etc. It sounds to me like your relationship is quite distant, you make silly jokes to try and soften her mood or uplift her, it seems like you walk on eggshells around her. My dad and I have a similar relationship. I've always got to cheer him up somehow, or make him feel appreciated, or let him vent for hours about how horrible his colleagues are at work, etc. I feel what you are trying to get across, it's not easy to put into words, I know. It's not a parent-child relationship, it's different. Sometimes that parent almost feels like your employer or something, and your family like a company (like colleagues or competitors, vying for the boss's attention and possible rewards). Unfortunately, I don't have siblings, so my latter statement could be wrong, I don't know.

Thanks so much for your posting, you didn't have to fear about your post not being relevant on PsychCentral, it is very relevant! The complexities of the family dynamic is what moulds all young people in their lives into the future. It can make you or break you - it's very important!

All the best