Sometimes when I do something nice for my husband and he thanks me I joke and say, "it's my job" (since I'm a "wife") and I think your therapist saying that and similar is kind of along the same lines? All of us have various "roles" -- one expects a mother to act like a "mother" (whatever that means) and a sister to act like a "sister" or customer service clerk to help the customer, etc. I think a therapist has a certain "job" too but that's not who they themselves are? They're not their role but how well they do their job says a lot about them. A therapist who didn't listen or wasn't compassionate and helpful, etc., no one would think they were a good "therapist".

It's hard but one of the first things is to separate out the job/role from the person. Not all therapists hug, not all therapists hug all people! There's an individual thing there and just like a mother can love all children but doesn't love them the "same" because they're different persons with different personalities, a therapist does the same with each client I think. Your therapist doesn't share the same jokes/stories with you that she does with other clients. It's like with all the people you know in your life; each relationship is different based on you and the person the relationship is with. People only have one-on-one relationships; I'm only talking to you here, Walk Free, even if mouse or anyone else reads it and finds something helpful or objectionable to them. I'm geared, thinking about and commenting to you becuase you are the one who asked the original question/made the original post about your experience. I can't take what you said to mouse as applying to me, even if I totally agree with it because you didn't address it to me, didn't know I was on the horizon :-) weren't thinking of me.

Therapy is like that. Even though we pay our therapists, they don't do their job/role well, interact with us, help us because of that pay; you can't pay someone to "like" you, liking doesn't happen that way. Therapists don't have to take all comers anymore than you have to make "friends" with and like all the people you meet. Therapists enjoy the work they do but you are not that work! You are only You and if a therapist doesn't "like" you they aren't going to work alongside you, helping you. It's hard with therapy because, to a certain extent, we are all "teacher's pet" and that's a hard concept to understand when we want to be "the" teacher's pet. While we're with our therapist we are "the" therapist's special client; your therapist is not thinking about the client she just had or is going to have next, etc. Just as you think of your friend Suzy but are not thinking of your friend Janie at the same time, that doesn't mean you don't love your friend Janie any the less?