re: there is just something "wrong" with the kid.
me:That seems to be the standard dodge or excuse that adults offer in regards to problem kids when the adults are at a loss to explain why their so-called "good" parenting is FAILING. My answer to that is - LOOK A LITTLE DEEPER AND TRY A LITTLE HARDER - YOU (the adult) HAVE ALL THE POWER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I accept that maybe something was indeed "wrong" with me like maybe some "disorder" or some "genetic thing" BUT my parents, not me, had the power and right-of-way to HELP me but they DID NOT! Now that I am no longer a helpless child, I can see that my parents, more than me, were most likely victims of some "disorder" or whatever BUT no adult would have ever told them that yet would have stood by my inadequate parents to point the finger at me. And since I was in no position to agree or disagree with their conclusions, they would have made me WRONG and them RIGHT - just like what you wrote here: "it isn't always about parenting. sometimes they are doing all the right things and there is just something "wrong" with the kid." Exactly what is the "something" that is wrong with the kid? Why not figure out exactly what is WRONG with the kid instead of simply accepting the parents claim of doing everything RIGHT???? And who is to say these PERFECT parents have indeed done "all the right things"? Parents do LIE you know!
My parents would have told the whole word that they were doing everything exactly "right" and most of the adult world would have soberly agreed with them while CONDEMNING me! Even at the age of 4, I could have told these wise and perfect adults what is WRONG with me but nobody ever asked me! I could have said "Something is seriously WRONG with my parents which is scaring the crap out of me and that is why I am WETTING THE BED every single night for several years in a row!" or whatever other thing that was WRONG with me. I would have told any doctor or any interested adult that my parents are the problem but nobody ever asked me plus I didn't have the language and understanding back then to say it in a sensible way. But even if I had complained about their parenting, all the adults would have made EXCUSES for them and found a way to BLAME me - just like you are doing here!

Since you work with families, have you ever seriously asked any of these WRONG kids what they believe is wrong? Do you even know HOW to help a kid tell you what is "wrong"? If any of them had ever said "It's mommy and daddy!" would you have DARED to confront the parents with that?

IMO, it's always about parenting in the sense that, as a child, I was totally dependent on my parents abilities and good will BUT they, not I, had the flaws and deficiencies that contributed to my "issues" plus they had the power to either help me or harm me and I am sure they would have said "We've done everything just right (perfectly) but he's still not OK - SO IT MUST BE HIM!!!" And all of the other adults would have soberly AGREED with them!

Just because adults cannot figure out where they are going wrong, is no excuse to put ALL the blame on their mysterious kids who have no defense against adult incompetence. It has been a long standing tradition to dump the hot potato onto the defenseless when the powerful cannot figure out how to manage a situation but rather than feel helpless or impotent, the best solution for those in charge is to just say "something is WRONG with the kid! because the adults could NEVER BE WRONG!" Hence to concept of "Bad Seed".