Freshman in college... Exceptionally difficult time in life...
Trying to force myself to "think positive" is counterproductive for me. Trying to see what is and what is not and carefully notice the present situation works better.
"Don't be hard on yourself" is easy advice to give, but it's empty without an attempt to get at the "why" of that personal tendency.

Wishing you a gradual dawn of confidence in yourself and in your own wants.