I know that there is an ongoing study that uses MDMA along with intensive therapy for chronic PTSD. I considered that and decided once to take some seeds that are perfectly legal but do produce effects like a drug and go into therapy. I made arrangements not to drive and told my therapist before we started.

But it turns out that I didn't need to do that. It really had no effect on the therapy, except I was more distracted. And in the end because I couldn't come down to baseline, it had a negative effect.

I read more about the study and concluded that there is another explanation why the MDMA might be working--that people get 8 hours or so of monitoring and attention.

I went to therapy the next time with exactly the same agenda but this time not even coffee in my system. It was far better. I was clear. I felt what I needed to feel about past things. I was able to speak more readily. And when it was done, I was able to feel closure, put it away, and move on.

So yes, I have done something like that, thinking that it might be productive. But no, it wasn't and instead made things harder both in session and certainly afterwards because I was still high for hours and there was nothing I could do to bring me down. And it wasn't pleasant.

What about trying to write out at least a beginning to what you would say if you felt more able to speak? I did that with some trauma work. I wrote out the start of the story, let him read it aloud, and then told the rest of the story. It was a nice way for me to approach a difficult topic and for him to actually get it. And it worked. I did that for about 3 traumatic events, and all the rest went away. I haven't been triggered since I did that work. The MDMA is not the healing force; it is you and working in therapy.