It took me time to develop that way of observing. I did not understand it at all, nor did I know how to explain to others how challenged I really was with it. If one looks up PTSD, sure, there is a list of symptoms described with it, but even that doesn't help the person struggling nor does it help the people around them understand it and actually what can happen is other people can read the symptoms and be even more unsupportive and pushy. For example, the desire to isolate, well, people can try to push the person struggling to get out there and be around others etc. But, that is like telling a person with a broken leg to ignore it and go for a long walk.

I don't know if it is just me or not, but I found that it triggered me "more" when I was around my family than strangers. I think that is because it was easier to distance with strangers whereas with my family, I was expected to be the me before the PTSD, and I honestly did not know "how, or even if I could or even why I struggled so much".

What continues to bother me when I look back is how badly I was treated, even by professionals. And I "did" ask for grief counseling and I did talk about a big loss and I did express all the clear red flags that screamed "trauma patient". And when one reads about how badly soldiers that had it were treated and called cowards until it was recognized they really were not cowards but were really suffering, well, I was treated like a "coward or lazy or whiney or making too much of something" and that was wrong. I keep wondering "why" and why were my family members not instructed on what I was challenged with and how to support and help me?

Honestly, how I was treated "after" the traumatic situation that took place traumatized me more than the traumatic situation. And this is something I tend to see taking place with others that present in this forum too.

That is why I hover here so much and try to help others not feel so alone and to learn how to slowly develop the part of them that is trying to figure out what to do and what it all means. With everything I have experienced, I know what has helped me the most and having a person one can feel safe with and even go through some periods of emotionally venting without being ashamed, but instead allowing whatever it is to happen and then engage the part of the person that is what I call the "wise mind", to see it and have permission to learn about it, understand it better, and work on it with help.

I genuinely feel that PTSD is an "injury" and as with any "injury" there is a healing process and some kind of rehabilitation that has to take place. This opinion I have is nothing new because it is what Judith Herman learned years ago and wrote about in her book "Trauma and Recovery".

What I noticed about my own treatment that was very wrong is how the therapist/psychiatrist decided that I should not be so upset or value what I valued either. What surprised me about that is these individuals knew "nothing" about me or even what I did or the value of what I did and had either. One can understand how someone who knows nothing about human psychology might not know better, but from someone who is supposed to know better?, sorry but that is very wrong. Quite honestly, I think labeling is often worse and more stigmatized with professionals than it is with the general public. Too many Professionals "label" way too fast and don't spend enough time actually listening. That is like telling someone they only have a sprained ankle when they actually are suffering from a broken leg, or telling someone they have a broken leg when they are only suffering from a sprained ankle.

No, when someone is struggling with PTSD, they are already very confused, frightened, angry, ashamed and often disoriented, they don't deserve to have that added to. Instead, the person really needs to have a lot of understanding and support to help them develop that "wise mind" and learn how to slowly work through the different areas where they were "injured" and have to get support while they learn more and work on their rehabilitation.

OE