I didn't have my first psychotic episode until 38. I had some really great coping mechanisms, whenever there was too much stress I just avoided it. I say great but that cost me a lot of things in my life but it prevented a severe breakdown. I also self medicated with alcohol. That episode and my subsequent diagnosis was eight months ago and I still don't feel like I have recovered.

I have meds (seroquel,neurontin) but I abhor taking them I keep going back to "trying to be myself " but it isn't working. To top it off my wife volunteered to leave for work for 6 months leaving me with more stress which I think is leading me back to the same dark place. I have completely isolated myself and am paranoid about my doctors (not sure if this is the illness or they are just not the ones for me).

Long story short my illness has become much worse with age. My grandmother had this happen around the same age as well.

Sorry my first post here.