I put on such a good mask when I was married for 33 years....no one knew (not even me) that it was the serious problem for my depression once my engineering career was over......no one could see how serious the damage was to me. I knew that I was angry all the time inside, but no one on the outside saw it except when they crossed me or did something that made my already overflowing anger overflow even farther.

After finally getting out of the bad marriage.......I am who I am IRL & the same person here. I never felt the need to be someone other than who I was. Always figured if the people didn't like who I was then they didn't need to be around me......but I have always treated EVERYONE fairly & equally & have always expected to be treated fairly & equally in return & most of the time with that attitude, it's held to be accurate.

I grew up in a family where education wasn't looked on very highly while I looked on it as my way out of where I was because I didn't want to marry out of where I was, I wanted to get there on my own.......so I have never felt barriers as much as the ones I saw growing up.

People never saw if I was felt unhappy but then, I didn't really see it much myself.....the only emotion I was in touch with for the 33 years of my marriage was anger...& I never held that back or put a mask on for that either.......when H irritated me....he knew about it as he pretty much filled my anger to overflowing...& it would overflow to others when I had an issue & would end up overreacting quite a bit.....but mostly tried to hold onto my laid back ways for most of my life until I got pushed too far....then watch out.......& that went for anyone who was any part of my life.

I'm me, I'm open the same with everyone, even people I don't know & strike up a conversation with when I'm out shopping. People ask me a question & I will answer with what I think, not with what I think they want to hear.....but there are times I will definitely try to word it so that it doesn't come across in an accusing sort of way but in a way that the concept can be understood......something that has come with age & something I wasn't always that good at in my younger years....& definitely NOT in my marriage after being pushed to anger so many times, I never even bothered to think before I spoke....but as I have calmed down over the last 7 years since I finally left the marriage, I've gotten much better at that skill now that I feel a peace & calm in my life overall. It's so wonderful NOT living in that continual stressful life......but I've always let out who & what I am no matter what (maybe in hopes that my H would come to not want to live with it & he would have finally been willing to get a divorce...lol)