So, today was the first session (i've been seeing her for a little over a year) in which I ever wanted to actually 'snap' at T. We're talking about some pretty heavy stuff now, things she thought I may never discuss, but i'm trying.

Today, we worked on it some more and I found myself getting defensive. She asked me to explain how and I told her I felt myself becoming argumentative. She tried so many approaches to get me to actually tell her what I was thinking/argue with her (she thought it would be good for me); including telling me how she wouldn't get angry, how it'd be helpful, that its okay to have an opinion, that she really wanted to know, there would be no judgement, trying it in third person, etc. But all I could think over and over was "I will not let you provoke me."

I felt like I was being that bratty teenager by pretty much giving her the silent treatment (I can be stubborn) but I knew it'd be 10x worse if I let it out. Everything she said (especially when trying to get me to argue with her) resulted with those childish wants to just say "Leave me alone." "I don't care." "Stop talking to me." "Oh my gosh, just shut up." and other more nasty things. But that's not my nature to want to be like that so I wouldn't give in. She asked why not and I told her I didn't have a reason to argue with her, it wouldn't make sense.

Anyways, I've figured out a technique to broach the tough subject next week (working on an oration) but still trying to process today's session a bit. Is there anyone here who's not normally an argumentative person who's been in this situation? Did you choose to argue or hold your ground? How did it turn out?