I've responded in both ways. That type of poking around typically engages my withdraw defense, so I've certainly done that. I've told her that I just feel self-conscious and that if she wants me to speak, it will take patience, not prodding. Other, tougher times, I've just gone silent.

However, I recall one memorable time that she'd provoked me just a bit too far and I did reply with a fury. I really let her have it, a proper, uncensored tongue lashing. I gave her the what for.

I lived to regret it, ha, but I lived.

It was also a breakthrough in my therapy. She finally realized something critical to my moving forward, and it was one of those ruptures that did mend up very nicely in time, and allow me to be seen, angry, and not punished for it. That was a good experience.