Today I just ate all day. Several servings of muesli, cereal, yogurt, sunflower seeds and hot chocolate. Then finished off the pint of Ben & Jerry's and a few spoons from another one. 30 nougat candies... and I honestly don't know why.

Well, I know why I feel bad, however, last night, I didn't even have a nightmare. That usually triggers it. I've just been hearing echoes of things my parents used to say and do. Mostly my father's insistence that I was going to grow up to be mentally ill and that he should send me to a mental institution - evidently he didn't have the energy to take care of me. I was a real horror, worrying that I would miss the bus to school since my brother and I were home alone and we lived rather far away from the school and there was only one bus all day. Yes, I've always been a worrier, but I still honestly think that it was a good question for an eleven year old girl. I was lucky growing up, so many have it so much worse, however... I can't seem to let it go.

Anyway, tip of the iceberg, and I poured it into food. I don't know why I can't just move on. I live in a new city, moved away from my father when I was fourteen and except for still being my mother's sounding board/psychiatrist/mother/friend, I haven't really spoken about me much with her, it's just a smart choice because she has a tendency to love being the one with information to tell people about - whatever it is.

By the way, I don't mean to put this on anybody, I just need to write it off my chest and maybe someone have a tip or something, I'm sorry for this but I'm honestly not sure of what to do.

My mom has a lot of her own problems and she's always needed me more than I've needed her, and it's okay. I've always been able to help her - she always tells me that I always say the right things... I just don't know how to fix myself. My words seem emptier when directed towards myself.

The human mind. There can't be a more confusing jungle out there.